Spirits

Solstice Intentions

Play, don’t plan.
Fan the embers.
Remember, the you
Too new to know.

No need to rationalize-
Passions will grow like fruits,
(Roots below the tree)
Free to ripen, fall or rot.

Not for eating or sharing.
Daring to be purposeless.
Messy, unpolished, flawed
Raw fruits – finite, whole.

Holy. Manifestation of
love – you are enough.

Morning Raag- November 3, 2020

Listen.

Restless sleeper’s demon rests a leaden hand on my chest just before morning light. How can my eyes open with a beast’s claw so near? Is it near? Is it near? Is it?

No beast, only my own body holding me still, protecting me from the ravenous fears that consume me. I am not trapped here. I can shake every cell of my body. I can summon my will to breathe.

My yawn is the first inhalation of a dawning star’s light, now rising inside me. My eye’s blink themselves into existence receiving the colors that enliven me.

My heart absorbs the plasma of the infinite acts of love that surround me. Boundless potential energy presses against the seams of this day.

Now, I am awake.

Thank You Mom: A Mother’s Day Poem by Asha Lipman

This poem was a gift I received from my daughter, Asha Lipman, age 11, on Mother’s Day 2020 in the first six weeks of the Covid-19 lock down of Philadelphia. I am putting it in my blog so it is never lost to me.

Thank you mom

For deciding to try one more time

For first having a good long cry

Then working again after the two you tried

Thank you mom

Thank you mom

For trying that hard on your own

For making a boulder out of stone

For taking anywhere and making it home

Thank you mom

Thank you mom

Thank you for the late nights

The work fights

The fighting for people’s rights

Thank you mom

Thank you mom

Thank you for the midnight snacks

The double checks

The extra bed tucks 

Thank you mom

Thank you mom

Thank you for the endless hugs

Thanks for the unconditional love

Even when  I’m not enough

Thank you mom

Thank you mom for being you

Thank you for what you do

Thanks for being the person who

Is a shoulder to cry on 

I love you mom

Imaginal Discs

To become a butterfly, a caterpillar first digests itself. But certain groups of cells survive, turning the soup into eyes, wings, antennae and other adult structures

Ferris Jabr, Scientific American, 2012

It was born hungry. And because it believed it was alone, it ate and ate and ate. It ate the floor upon which it sat. And it grew. It ate the walls that protected it from the biting winds. It grew some more. It ate the roof that shaded it from the sharp rays of light. Of course, it grew and grew and grew. It ate the only home it had ever known.

On the inside, we imagined something different. Inside its body, we felt – not alone. We felt joined, resonant, alive. We believed in open skies and soft places upon which to alight. We knew we could eat without destroying our home. Inside the darkness, we gathered, we waited, we held the story in our hearts.

It couldn’t grow anymore. Nothing left to eat. Nowhere left to live. It was bloated, stagnant, uncomfortable in its own calcifying skin. And from deep inside it sensed an unsettling fluttering of wings. It turned itself upside down. It wrapped itself in a sticky thick blanket. It tried to quiet the fluttering, slow the beating, beating, beating rhythm of another life.

We felt the slowing, the darkening, the silencing. We felt the body around us turn upside down. Some of us also slowed, darkened, went silent. Some of us felt topsy-turvy, nauseous, confused. But many more of us raised our heads towards the future. This dimming, turning, quiet was not only an end, but also a beginning. We began to dance slowly at first, then faster and faster. We sang to each other. “It’s time! It’s time! “

It did not understand what was happening. It felt afraid. Its body was dissolving, disintegrating, disentangling the pieces of itself one from the other. Meaning to end the fluttering, it liquefied, made itself into a soup. It was no longer hungry. It could not eat. There was nothing left for it to do, to be, to want. So it waited to see what would happen next.

We danced and the body turned into a vast sea. Many of us wept in the water. We felt sad that the body around us was gone. We had to learn to swim. We had to find each other in new ways. Over time we learned that the sea was full of nourishment and possibility. We grew stronger inside the sea. We remembered the story of another body, graceful, life-giving, free. And slowly, steadily we, transformed the sea into something new.

I was reborn, in sunlight. I felt the warm breeze dry my body, still damp from the sea I used to be. My eyes showed me a thousand pieces of the world around me. The home my old self had eaten was one tiny leaf in an endless flowing river of soft swaying blues and yellows and pinks. I was hungry, ready to drink and dance, pollinate and migrate. With a push, I opened my wings, released my hold on the only home I had ever known and fell into the loving arms of the air around me.

“There seem to be solid biological reasons why we are the way we are. If there weren’t, the cycles wouldn’t keep replaying. The human species is a kind of animal, of course. But we can do something no other animal species has ever had the option to do. We can choose: We can go on building and destroying until we either destroy ourselves or destroy the ability of our world to sustain us. Or we can make something more of ourselves.”

Octavia Butler, Parable of the Sower

Soul Tonic

My grandmother’s voice

was a tonic for lost souls.

Sixteen years old,

second story veranda,

hidden from view,

honor maintained,

she gripped hearts,

lifted closed eyes,

invoked the gods.

 

My grandmother spoke

with the spirit world,

received messages

from the beyond,

holding space

for the dead to meet

the earth-bound.

 

My grandmother’s love

was unconditional

for her sons, grandchildren.

Not so the daughters-in-law

who failed every test, 

never good enough

for her babies.

 

My grandmother suffered.

one side of her died,

though she tried

to revive it, over and over

biting her lip,

lifting the dead arm

with the living.

 

She taught me to sing

the old songs, to love

fiercely and fondly,

to try every day,

to be fully alive,

to join hope to drive,

and always remember the dead.

 

She taught me

that one person

can have two faces

and three lives

and one hundred pieces

of the truth wrapped in

a dozen lies.

 

I learned this all from her.

Susserations

Catching you was the first thing I knew I had to do. 

We fish are wary, wet, wanderers,

so, I thought I had to catch you,

until I stopped thinking.

Neither one of us was prey. 

 

Then, I explained you away into the shallows.

You’ll never reach me down here,

sunken into the soft sands

where we bottom feeders dwell.

Instead of feeding, you fed me. 

 

Now, I can’t recall swimming alone. 

When the sunlight bends around us,

telling tall tales of a thing called “sky”,

I am contented by your sussurations.

What else is there, but this?

 

Year’s End

Piecemeal,

we stitch together

the cover we need in dark times –

lover’s warm embrace,

a child who needs feeding,

a bit of work that reminds us

of fires, and music, and the river flowing.

 

Some years,

the wind blows through.

The rains seep into the cloth.

We are drenched in the sweat

of pain, of rage, and the fever dreams.

The simple cover feels too thin,

ends frayed, stitches fallen.

No warmth or light

surrounds us.

 

Mind these moments of despair.

Make plans. Be bold. Believe.

Find what you need,

who you need.

Build it

now.

 

Dark Daughter Questions

When you die

will you be burned?

(Ummm.)

or buried?

(Uhhh.)

or rise up to the gods?

(What do you think?)

Will I be able to hug you?

(Yes. )

Do you know

what it means

to leave people behind?

(I do. I do.)

When Bube died 

did she go up with the gods?

(I like to think she’s up there looking after you.)

Sometimes,

when I am in time out

I talk to her.

(What does she say?)

She says,

“Your mother and father

are the ones

who chose to put you in time out.”

(Thanks alot, Grandma. Thanks alot.)