CoVID-19 mask
prevents contaminating
reminders to “smile”.
CoVID-19 mask
prevents contaminating
reminders to “smile”.
This poem was a gift I received from my daughter, Asha Lipman, age 11, on Mother’s Day 2020 in the first six weeks of the Covid-19 lock down of Philadelphia. I am putting it in my blog so it is never lost to me.
Thank you mom
For deciding to try one more time
For first having a good long cry
Then working again after the two you tried
Thank you mom
Thank you mom
For trying that hard on your own
For making a boulder out of stone
For taking anywhere and making it home
Thank you mom
Thank you mom
Thank you for the late nights
The work fights
The fighting for people’s rights
Thank you mom
Thank you mom
Thank you for the midnight snacks
The double checks
The extra bed tucks
Thank you mom
Thank you mom
Thank you for the endless hugs
Thanks for the unconditional love
Even when I’m not enough
Thank you mom
Thank you mom for being you
Thank you for what you do
Thanks for being the person who
Is a shoulder to cry on
I love you mom
Resilience
The black and white squares gleam in the tree-filtered light that pours like sweet lime juice through the kitchen window.
Silently shining, the tiles reflect children’s socks sliding, diapered bottoms pushing off to find freedom in motion.
With a sturdy softness, the weathered floor braces the delighted soles of cooks. The cheerful eaters dance, drawn in by the scent of roasted, ripened love.
Somehow always comfortably cool, despite the baking from inside and out, the humble platform invites busy body bones to sit, stretch out, tell tales or just listen.
This unheralded dais is, in fact, the place where life happens.
Depression
The weakened rays meekly dust the floor with a remembrance of light.
Icy fingers dampen the spaces between old wood beams and the graying cracked cover.
Feet of all shapes and sizes shuffle listlessly along its spine, longing for the ready warmth of rugs and slippers.
The daily meal seems distant, dull, made without fanfare. Eaters emerge reluctantly from their darkened rooms to consume and retreat.
Inside this cold silence, the sullen floor sags, certain the wood beneath it has turned to rot or dust.
It should not be trusted to support anyone.
To become a butterfly, a caterpillar first digests itself. But certain groups of cells survive, turning the soup into eyes, wings, antennae and other adult structures
Ferris Jabr, Scientific American, 2012
It was born hungry. And because it believed it was alone, it ate and ate and ate. It ate the floor upon which it sat. And it grew. It ate the walls that protected it from the biting winds. It grew some more. It ate the roof that shaded it from the sharp rays of light. Of course, it grew and grew and grew. It ate the only home it had ever known.
On the inside, we imagined something different. Inside its body, we felt – not alone. We felt joined, resonant, alive. We believed in open skies and soft places upon which to alight. We knew we could eat without destroying our home. Inside the darkness, we gathered, we waited, we held the story in our hearts.
It couldn’t grow anymore. Nothing left to eat. Nowhere left to live. It was bloated, stagnant, uncomfortable in its own calcifying skin. And from deep inside it sensed an unsettling fluttering of wings. It turned itself upside down. It wrapped itself in a sticky thick blanket. It tried to quiet the fluttering, slow the beating, beating, beating rhythm of another life.
We felt the slowing, the darkening, the silencing. We felt the body around us turn upside down. Some of us also slowed, darkened, went silent. Some of us felt topsy-turvy, nauseous, confused. But many more of us raised our heads towards the future. This dimming, turning, quiet was not only an end, but also a beginning. We began to dance slowly at first, then faster and faster. We sang to each other. “It’s time! It’s time! “
It did not understand what was happening. It felt afraid. Its body was dissolving, disintegrating, disentangling the pieces of itself one from the other. Meaning to end the fluttering, it liquefied, made itself into a soup. It was no longer hungry. It could not eat. There was nothing left for it to do, to be, to want. So it waited to see what would happen next.
We danced and the body turned into a vast sea. Many of us wept in the water. We felt sad that the body around us was gone. We had to learn to swim. We had to find each other in new ways. Over time we learned that the sea was full of nourishment and possibility. We grew stronger inside the sea. We remembered the story of another body, graceful, life-giving, free. And slowly, steadily we, transformed the sea into something new.
I was reborn, in sunlight. I felt the warm breeze dry my body, still damp from the sea I used to be. My eyes showed me a thousand pieces of the world around me. The home my old self had eaten was one tiny leaf in an endless flowing river of soft swaying blues and yellows and pinks. I was hungry, ready to drink and dance, pollinate and migrate. With a push, I opened my wings, released my hold on the only home I had ever known and fell into the loving arms of the air around me.
“There seem to be solid biological reasons why we are the way we are. If there weren’t, the cycles wouldn’t keep replaying. The human species is a kind of animal, of course. But we can do something no other animal species has ever had the option to do. We can choose: We can go on building and destroying until we either destroy ourselves or destroy the ability of our world to sustain us. Or we can make something more of ourselves.”
Octavia Butler, Parable of the Sower
I know that one. To me he is warm smells of spices watching over hide-and-seek. He is a mother’s childhood hero, soft protector of little sisters, quick to smile, always asking, “what’s the matter sweetheart?” He once gave me a book that made me who I am today.
The one who hurt you.
The other one is a golden-child. They make me twinkle. They remember me when I was effulgent, effervescent, wild. They know me better than I know myself. I would take a bullet, stop a train, rob a bank, to keep them alive, surviving, thriving.
The one who hurt you.
I know that one too. He charmed the pants off me, literally. Held my head as I hovered over the toilet. Held my hand when I fell into the abyss of promises unfulfilled. We were each other’s resting place. When the world collapsed, I looked for him, knowing that if he was well, I must be too.
The one who hurt you.
And her, I owe her so much. She gave me my big break. She trusted me with her fears and weakness, when the world was on her shoulders. She opened my world, filled it with hundreds of new thoughts, new people, new ways for me to shine. She taught me to trust my vision.
And the one who hurt me.
They were also safe harbors, true-loves, someone’s reason to live. And, yes, they hurt me. Both. And. Also. And me, who have I hurt? Can I mend the wounds I have made as surely as I claim the wounds that mark me? Am I both innocent and guilty? Both? And? Also?
The one who hurt us. The one I hurt. One.
The longest night
Bids you to rest,
To dream,
To close your eyes.
The night is,
And always has been,
And always will be,
A time of souls.
What can we say to the children,
as we watch the waves rush in?
“Apocalypse” gives them no room
to imagine their emancipation.
What is love in these times:
cradling, coddling, condoning…
catastrophizing, condemning, collapsing,
or calling in, calling out, calling up courage?
Our children need courage
to care, to acknowledge, to witness, to change.
One world is ending, so another begins.
Prepare them, prop them up, propel them.
Find your own courage
to set them free from fear,
free from fate, from false fathers,
free to find the future for us all.
My grandmother’s voice
was a tonic for lost souls.
Sixteen years old,
second story veranda,
hidden from view,
honor maintained,
she gripped hearts,
lifted closed eyes,
invoked the gods.
My grandmother spoke
with the spirit world,
received messages
from the beyond,
holding space
for the dead to meet
the earth-bound.
My grandmother’s love
was unconditional
for her sons, grandchildren.
Not so the daughters-in-law
who failed every test,
never good enough
for her babies.
My grandmother suffered.
one side of her died,
though she tried
to revive it, over and over
biting her lip,
lifting the dead arm
with the living.
She taught me to sing
the old songs, to love
fiercely and fondly,
to try every day,
to be fully alive,
to join hope to drive,
and always remember the dead.
She taught me
that one person
can have two faces
and three lives
and one hundred pieces
of the truth wrapped in
a dozen lies.
I learned this all from her.
Catching you was the first thing I knew I had to do.
We fish are wary, wet, wanderers,
so, I thought I had to catch you,
until I stopped thinking.
Neither one of us was prey.
Then, I explained you away into the shallows.
You’ll never reach me down here,
sunken into the soft sands
where we bottom feeders dwell.
Instead of feeding, you fed me.
Now, I can’t recall swimming alone.
When the sunlight bends around us,
telling tall tales of a thing called “sky”,
I am contented by your sussurations.
What else is there, but this?
The fire is beautiful too. The flood. The desertification.
We are dying a man-made, white-washed, corporate responsibility death.
We are conquerors, conquered, conned.
The con is this – we need to breath, to feed, to seed…
…and also this – we bleed.
So, it’s beautiful. You see?
The fires, the flood, the desertification. You see.
Our death is nature-made, earth-bound, heaven-sent.
There are consequences – conquerors, conquered, conned – the con ends.
Praise the consequences. We bleed, we see, we are free.