Open Heart Surgery

Last week I had open heart surgery at the Facing Race Conference in Baltimore http://colorlines.com/facing-race-2012/.   I was in serious danger of having a White supremacy -related cardiac arrest. The daily stress of race related slights, ignorant remarks, and racial stereotypes in the news, on TV, and in my daughter’s classroom were taking their toll.  The unhealthy diet of  judging my beauty against the norm, of basing “good, “right”, and “true” on “White”, of wishing for a new nose, different hair, eyes, lips clogged arteries. The pressure to be a strong bridge across the racial divide was pushing the damaged muscle to its breaking point. The everyday news of injustice, inequity, and the needless suffering of people of color,  people of gender,  people of difference,  people, was sapping my will to resist the oncoming collapse.

And then I stepped in to Facing Race.  Rinku Sen, editor of Colorlines magazine and executive director of Applied Research Center (ARC), hosts of the conference, stepped on stage.  I was breathing heavy. I was walking slowly with the weight, pain radiating.

Rinku Sen was the first responder.

“Transformative is what I am after. I don’t want to reverse the racial hierarchy. I want to take it apart. I want to change the course of human evolution.”

A jolt went through me.

“We are so well equipped to do this. We are such good strategists. We know how to run campaigns. We do this work with so much heart, and so much humor. We have so much resilience. We can survive anything. We can do this. We can take the country and the world closer to a new humanity.”

The weight began to ease inside me.

“If we do our part, then our kids will do their part. And their kids will do the next part and the next kids after that will do more. I am counting on you to do this with me…Our ancestors demand it. The dead demand it. The living demand it. And we can answer them, if we stand together. We can set the path for true human liberation. We must start today. I know that together, we will get there. “

I was revived, still damaged, still in pain, but ready to live, ready to fight, ready to be healed.  There is so much more to tell.  The power of the speakers, dancers, comedians, artists, children, elders, changed me. All the faces together facing the madness that is White supremacist, patriarchal, heterosexist, ableist, classist hierarchical lifted me up.  That weekend, my chest was opened up. Years of toxins were released. New connections were built.  I was transformed. I was ready to walk the liberation path again.

 

We voted

We voted for the Dreamers, and the Same-sex lovers, and the 99%. We voted for the unions, and the aging baby boomers, and the guy on the street who sleeps on vents. We voted for shattered glass, and equal pay. We voted for ourselves.

We voted because they thought we wouldn’t, and because we knew we had to. We voted because our bodies were being debated and our voices were being ignored. We voted so teachers can teach and students can learn. We voted to take care of each other.  We voted to be able to take care of ourselves.

We voted for soldiers to begin the healing. We voted for roads, and bridges, and pipes.

We voted because the lines were long and our patience was running short. We voted in waves of gold, and brown, and  pink until day turned to night.  We voted after polls were closed.

We voted because we know there are more superstorms to come. 

We voted in fear. We voted in hope. 

We voted. We voted. We voted.

 

 

Peace Tree


I spent the morning
in the Peace Room at the Friends Center.
It sits in the light on the 3rd Floor.
Later that day I walked down
to the lower level, no windows.
The Justice Room is down there
I thought, “I wonder… why?”
“Why is the Justice Room below the Peace Room?”
“Is justice the roots sunk deep
from which the peace trees rise?”

Consciousness

I didn’t know,

and then I did.

I am not you.

We are not them.

This is not right.

 

We should fight.

We should shine a light.

We should make it right.

 

I didn’t know

And then I did.

I am not alone.

You are here with me.

We are all not free.

This is not right.

 

We should fight.

We should shine a light.

We should make it right.

 

I did not know

and then I did.

I am here to fight.

I will shine a light.

I can make it right.

We can make it right.

 

We will make it right.

 

 

 

 

 

Primary Impressions: Age 6-8 or so (Vol 1)

Swollen feet pinched by tight fancy Rajasthani shoes that point at the toes.  Been on the plane for 8 hours. This nice old man next to me in the turban keeps giving me candies. They are gross.  They taste like flowers or soap.  I am alone, chaperoned by airline hostesses.  Almost home. Excited to show off my outfit to mommy and daddy. Off the plane now. Waiting in long lines.  My feet hurt!

Up to the counter now.  Airline hostess left to go back to work because I am, “pretty much out now.”  Man asks for my passport and green card. I have my passport, but I don’t know anything about a green card.  My face feels hot. My feet hurt.  My stomach is buggy.  A lady comes over in a suit. “Come with me honey.”

Inside an office. Sitting at a seat.  Man behind the desk asks me question:

Him: “What’s the name of your school?”

Me:  “Jennie Smith.”

Him: “Where do you live?”

Me: “1955 Lakeview Drive.”

Him: “Where are your parents?”

Me: “Waiting for me out there!”

Tears form but I squeeze them back. I am a good girl.  The lady who brought me in says, “Are you sure you don’t have a little plastic card with your picture on it?:

“You mean this one in my pocket? But it’s not green. It’s pink.”

I don’t tell my parents what happened. I am too embarrassed.

Sign of the times

Image

“Zimmerman must die.”  I live in a predominantly black neighborhood in D.C., a few blocks north of Howard University.  My neighborhood is vibrant, home to a number of Afro-centric stores, vegan restaurants run by African Israelites, and sundry stores that serve Howard students. It is generally peaceful. Neighbors are friendly with one another. Old men give my children candy.There is a mix of people from different races and classes  People look out for each other.

My daughter attends preschool across the street from Howard and so I walk her to school every morning down the main drag.  Yesterday morning, I saw this sign, a sign I have noted for weeks because it has a White hand and a Brown hand each cradling a Samsung Galaxy Note and the sign tells you to “take note!”  But yesterday, what I noted were these words.

“Zimmerman must die”.  What else could the sign say?  “Justice for Trayvon!”  “Arrest Zimmerman NOW!”.  For weeks now, I have been sensing a shift in the vibes in my neighborhood.  I have always been a sensitive sort of person, highly attuned to the moods of people around me.  This is why I became a community psychologist, because I believe that communities have their own moods, ups and downs, and struggles.  “Zimmerman must die.”  Like a dream rising up from the subconscious mind of this neighborhood.  While public faces don hoodies of support and make plans for marches. “Zimmerman must die” seeps silently onto a  billboard –  itself a sign of gentrification – like words written in blood by a horror movie poltergeist.

I see it in the early afternoons at the playground with my kids. We used to be there alone.  Now, young Black and Latino men gather in clumps, drinking beer and smoking weed.  Clearly, they have not felt the economy improve.  But I am sure they see the march of the gentrifiers continuing around them: new restaurants opening in the neighborhood, new condo buildings being built. They are at the playground drinking beer because none of this means jobs for them. “Zimmerman must die.”

And where do I stand?  I live in one of those condo buildings. I patronize those new restaurants. I have no jobs to offer.  I ask the young men to move their drinking and swearing to another part of the park, away from the slides and the jungle gym. It’s not that I disapprove.  What else are they supposed to do?  But my children need to play, and I know that underneath their somber expressions, something is bubbling inside these young men.  I do not want my children to be hit by shrapnel when those bombs go off. “Zimmerman must die.”

The lumpy, messy stew that is America, is beginning to boil.  People are remembering the Trayvon’s in their own communities. Overt racism rears it’s ugly head after a few decades of sneaking and skulking in the dark. Folks are angry for good reason.  I fear the coming of a hot summer.  History tells us that this is when the race riots begin.

We must all pay attention right now.  We must all raise ourselves up to a higher level of consciousness.  We must deliberately uproot the ugliness of internalized racism that lies within each one of us.  This is not just a White and Black problem. Monica Novoa has a great article in Colorlines discussing the need for White people and people of color to face up to that fact http://colorlines.com/archives/2012/04/life_every_voice_for_trayvon_martin.html

Moments like this can make that happen.  Like nuclear energy, we can use it to power the world. “Zimmerman Must Die” can remain a nightmare from which we awaken and begin a new day.